How To Ask Out Your Best Friend
How to Ask a Best Friend if They Like You
If you have a crush on your best friend, you might feel conflicted. On one hand, you're probably dying to know if they like you back. On the other hand, though, you might also worry that asking could change your friendship forever. Asking them is a brave decision. When you're ready to ask, you'll need mental preparation to make the conversation go well.
Preparing to Ask
Look for signs of attraction.Before you ask, look for signs that they have a crush on you.At best, this will give you confidence as you prepare to ask them. At worst, you'll have a realistic idea of their feelings.
- Watch for changes in your friendship. Does your friend act differently around you? Maybe they laugh more at your jokes or seem shyer. Significant changes in their behavior could mean they've developed feelings for you, especially if they seem nervous or excited.
- If you're bad at reading the signs, ask a mutual friends! Have a conversation about your best friend with them. Casually ask if they know whether your friend likes anyone. Sometimes a second opinion offers an excellent perspective.
- Unless you ask them, you can't know one way or the other. Don't assume you know for sure until you have talked to them.
Practice asking them beforehand.Running through your plan before will save you from awkward moments later. If talking aloud helps, try practicing with a friend or in a mirror. Getting the words out can help you visualize the situation better.
- Prepare for the various ways they might respond. What will you do if they say they like you? What if they don't? What if they refuse to respond? You don't have to be a mind reader, but work through multiple outcomes.
Imagine your own worst-case scenario.Facing your fears before you ask them the question can save you stress and anxiety.Maybe they don't like you, they feel uncomfortable, or they don't want to be your friend anymore. Is asking them still worth it? If so, ask them anyways.
- No matter what happens, you might feel relief after. Even if your worst-case scenario happens, you'll know their answer for sure. Only you can decide whether the risk is worth it.
Find the right time to ask.Think about when and where you and your friend are together. Determine what circumstances would be ideal to ask them in. You will not want to ask them if they like you spontaneously.
Having the Conversation
Tell your friend you want to ask them a question.Once you've found the right place and time, let them know you want to talk to them about something that's been on your mind lately. If they say now is not a good time, respect their feelings and save the conversation for later. If they're ready to talk, go ahead!
- For example, you could say, "Hey, Emma, are you busy? I have a quick question for you. Could we chat for a second?"
Help your friend feel comfortable.One-on-one conversations can be scary, especially when talking about feelings. If you have a natural sense of humor, crack jokes. If not, start with small talk and ease into the personal questions.
- Don't make a big deal when you steer towards the heart of the conversation. If you're visibly nervous, your best friend will also feel uneasy. Avoid putting unnecessary pressure on them.
Ask them directly.When asking them who they like, you might attempt to beat around the bush. In this situation, you need to be blunt. Ask them if they like you and, if so, whether they want to be more than friends.
- Let them know that you care about them unconditionally. They may worry that if they do not like you, you will abandon them. Tell them you are here for them, no matter what.
- You could say something like, "Riley, before I ask you this question, I want you to know that I care about you no matter what. Lately, I've noticed that our relationship has changed a little. I've wondered if you might like me more than a friend. Am I right in thinking this?"
Reacting After Asking
Listen to their response.If you're nervous, you may feel overwhelmed. Push through the anxiety and pay attention to their response. Try not to color their response with your own emotions. Let them speak as long as they need to, and pay attention.
- Active listening shows your friend that you really do care about them.Give them the courtesy to speak because you love them, even if their answer is disappointing.
Thank them for sharing, no matter the answer.Your best friend may worry that you are only interested them romantically. If you do care for this person, show them that this isn't the case. Tell them that you appreciate their honesty and care about them a lot.
Respect their decision.Regardless of the answer, avoid questioning it. If they say they love you, tell them how you feel. If they do not, avoid making them feel bad or guilty.
- After they answer, you may feel overwhelmed if they say no. Remember to practice beforehand to avoid freezing.
Continue nurturing your relationship.Once you've finished the conversation, continue developing your relationship.If your friend likes you, decide how you want your relationship to change. If they don't, stay in touch and remain their friend.
- After you ask, you may feel uncomfortable around them. It might take time for both of you to process this conversation. Give them time and space alone, if needed.
- Sometimes asking can change the relationship in unintended ways. Romantic feelings are tricky, and your relationship might not be what it was before again. Prepare yourself beforehand, and know it's a risk you must take.
QuestionHow do I tell her that she's the one with out her thinking I'm messed up in the head?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerActively listen to her and make sure you take her feelings into consideration. If you let her know respectfully and honestly, she will not likely think you are messed up in the head.Thanks!
QuestionI've loved this girl for two years. Now I'm 15, she's 15 soon, and we are best friends. Her ex (who she's unsure if she likes still or not) is a friend of mine. I'm crazy over her. What do I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerHonesty is the best policy. If you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with her, open up with her about how you feel and ask her if she feels similarly. Respect her feelings if she's still trying to work things through with her ex, and let her know that you value her friendship no matter what. If she decides to date her ex again, avoid asking her as she may feel conflicted or uncomfortable.Thanks!
QuestionI feel like my best friend won't like me when I ask him if he likes me. I'm scared of rejection and that he will tell everyone. What do I do? Please help me!wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerThanks!
QuestionI like my best friend but I'm way too shy. What can I do to get my confidence up?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIf you struggle with being nervous, try to ask your friend in a comfortable and safe environment. Avoid being around other people when you ask, as you and your friend both might feel social pressure.Thanks!
QuestionShould I ask an old friend who hates me?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIf you want to ask a person who currently dislikes you, try improving your friendship first. If you can repair and maintain a good relationship with them, they are more likely to have positive feelings for you.Thanks!
QuestionI'm a lesbian and I like this girl, but she asked me out before I did. What do I do?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIf she has expressed romantic interest in the past, she might be open to you asking if she still does. Let her know how much you value your friendship and that you think you may like her more than a friend. Remind her of when she asked you out, and ask her if she still feels that way towards you.Thanks!
QuestionWhat if he says yes? How do I react?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIf he says yes, turn the conversation to what both of your next steps are. Determine whether you want to be in a romantic relationship with each other or, if not, how you want to process these feelings.Thanks!
QuestionWe are just newly known to each other. She is so frank to me and I doubt that she has a crush on me from somewhere of her heart but she is engaged with our tution teacher. So my question is should I propose her? And if yes then how should I impress her? Plz do ans fast.wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIf she is engaged, avoid asking her if she has feelings for you. This will likely cause emotional conflict and possibly damage your friendship.Thanks!
QuestionHow do you say it, though?wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerHow you say it can depend on a variety of factors. You may feel more comfortable telling them in a serious environment or a more lighthearted one. Think about their personality and your relationship with them, and decide what would be the best approach.Thanks!
QuestionBut what if you are a kid? That stuff is for teenagers.wikiHow ContributorCommunity AnswerIf you are a kid, you may not want to ask your friend if they like you. Your friend may not be ready for a romantic relationship. Try waiting until you are older and decide then whether a romantic relationship is right.Thanks!
- Stay calm. If you feel nervous, your friend will read the situation as awkward. It's okay to be a little nervous, but try not to let it control you.
- Keep the conversation short. Too much small talk leaves you with less time. Ask your question as soon as you're ready.
- Don't expect an answer right away. Your friend may need some time to think. Don't pressure them, and let them take their time.
- Ask at a good time. If your friend is having a bad day, wait until later. They may not feel in the mood for deep conversations.
- Rejection means nothing about your self-worth or capability of being loved. You and your friend might not "click" on a romantic level. Don't allow rejection to damage your self-esteem.
- Do not ask your friend if they are currently dating someone. Regardless of their answer, you both will only feel worse until your friend is single.
- Your best friend's feelings are just as important as yours. Don't disrespect them if they feel differently than you.
Sources and Citations
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