How to raise a child alone?
Raising a child is a very difficult and responsible process in which both parents must participate. But what if, by the will of fate, you were left alone with a child in your arms? Of course, at first, a single mother feels confusion, the fear that she will not be able to raise a child alone, that she will not have enough strength, time, money ... However, you can raise a child alone very well, although it is not easy. First you need to calm down, pull yourself together and think through all the main points that relate to raising a child in your situation.
How to raise a child: household tips
The mother of the child, especially if she brings him up alone, often lacks time and energy for all the necessary things. We will give some tips on how to cope with household chores.
- If you are a young and still inexperienced mom, then you have a lot to learn in child care. While he is not yet born, begin to study information on how to properly feed the baby, bathe him, walk with him, how and when to visit a pediatrician, etc.At first, after birth, mother will help or another experienced close relative. You can also negotiate with a visiting nurse who will teach you many important things. Immediately you should think about kindergarten - there are few places, you can take a turn from birth. Know that you as a single mother have benefits, we will tell about them below.
- When a small child appears, there are many new things that mothers need to successfully combine with their concerns. How to raise a child alone and still have time for everything? It is useful to have a diary in which the mother will write down what should be done for the child and when, as well as mark her personal affairs in it. How to do it? Take a sheet and a pen and write down all the important things for the next week for yourself and for the child: going to the pediatrician, buying children's clothes, arranging the necessary documents, etc. Now distribute these important things by day and preferably by hours. When you have a clear schedule of important matters for the next week, you will be able to distribute less important matters at free intervals. The schedule will greatly simplify your life and organize it, you will have time to do everything you need.
- Going out with your child on business is not always convenient, especially if you have a big stroller. To make it easier, try to reduce the number of trips to the right places. For example, you can make the necessary payments via the Internet, using your bank card, and also buy products in the supermarket via the Internet - save time, nerves and energy. Another option is to make payments in advance for several months at once, to buy food not for the evening, but for several days at once (do not forget to follow the expiration dates). If you need to go on business without a child, try to leave it with a reliable person - negotiate with a relative or good friend who will follow your child. You can hire an hourly babysitter. In exceptional cases, the "kangaroo" backpack will help - it will allow you to take the child with you, and at the same time both hands will be free. But such a backpack is good only for the warm season.
- Of course, with the advent of the child will increase cash costs. We will tell you about the state payments you are entitled to below. You need to learn how to save and save money, as they will be very useful to you.Review your budget, think about where and how you can save money to save and save.
State payments and benefits
A single mother has the right to state assistance, which is manifested in various payments and benefits. If we consider the issue from a legal point of view, then first a woman needs to receive the official status of a single mother. Only after that the single mother can apply for all sorts of payments and benefits. In the list below you will find both payments that are due to all women who gave birth, as well as payments and benefits specifically for single mothers. With regard to the size of payments, they may vary, so check them in the relevant institutions.
- A lump-sum allowance at the birth of a child - any mother who is a citizen of the Russian Federation has the right to receive it. This allowance is issued once after the birth of a child.
- Also, any mother is entitled to a monthly allowance on parental leave, it is issued at the place of work. In this case, a single mother is entitled to an increased monthly allowance, regardless of the size of her income.
- Additional monthly benefit upon reaching a certain age in a child.
- Annual additional financial assistance (calculated on the basis of the income of the mother).
- The right to priority housing, the child's placement in an institution for state support.
- The right to free provision of educational materials and child nutrition in a public educational institution.
- The right to free or partly paid trips to sanatoriums or children's camps at least 1 time in 2 years.
- Benefits with the purchase of certain drugs.
- The right to some free additional medical services for a child in an institution.
- Until the child is 14 years old, a single mother is not entitled to be fired from her job, except in cases of liquidation of the enterprise. In such a situation, dismissal is allowed, but with subsequent official employment. Also, mandatory employment should be in cases where the contract expired. For the period of employment should remain the average wage. It is forbidden to refuse a woman to hire or lower wages due to the presence of children.
- For child care up to 14 years of age, the sick leave is paid 100%.
- The right to annual leave (14 days) at any time, attached to the main or separate from it.
How to raise a child alone: psychological advice
The absence of a father can negatively affect the upbringing of a child, regardless of whether he is a boy or a girl. How can one raise a child so that he does not feel unhappy that dad is not around?
- Even if a man left you and went to another woman, you shouldn’t take out your offense on a child and tell him nasty things about your father. He is not to blame for what happened in your relationship. Try to create a good opinion about your father, tell me that he is not around, but he loves him - this is very important for the child’s self-esteem at an early age. Do not go into the details of parting - you do not know how the child will perceive it and react. And of course, if the father wants to communicate and meet with the child, do not hinder this.
- It is important that there is a man in your life who can positively influence the child. This can be your brother, father, or other close male relative with whom you often see and communicate.Of course, ideally, it is necessary for a new “dad” to emerge, and the sooner the better, since young children perceive situations like this more easily than adolescents.
- The psychology of the child is actively formed during the first five years of life, therefore it is necessary to bring up the baby as responsibly as possible during this period.
How to raise a boy alone
The father is very important for the boy, as he is an example for him, he forms a male character and a male model of behavior. Consider how to raise one child at different stages of the boy's age.
- In the period of 1-4 years, the boy realizes his belonging to the male sex. At this age, he needs to be played and entertained. An uncle or a young neighbor is suitable for this role if you are on friendly terms with him and he treats your baby well.
- At the age of 5-8, the boy needs a man who will approve and support his male style of behavior. He should be praised, for example, for how he persistently tries to learn how to ride a bicycle, although he has fallen many times since; for running fast; because he does not run to cry mom after a fight with the neighbors' boys, etc.Mom is usually always very worried and afraid, so she is not suitable for this role. The best candidate is a native father.
- At 9-13 years old, the boy seeks to show his individuality and independence, his mother’s irritation of excessive care begins to irritate him. It's time to send his energy to a useful activity. Find him a circle or section dominated by a male society — an informatics circle, a wrestling sports section, etc.
- At age 14 and more, hormones are raging in the boy, he is actively developing, this affects both his appearance and his behavior and can lead to various problems. To understand everything and help the boy can his own father.
How to raise a girl alone
For a girl, the father is the ideal of a man; the relationship between father and daughter greatly influences how the girl will choose her life partner in the future and build a family. How to raise a child alone?
- Do not scold the father of the girl, talk about what he is "bastard" and "traitor." The girl will have a bad opinion about her father, which will greatly affect her self-esteem and attitude towards men in the future, sometimes even unconsciously. It’s also worth telling a girl that her dad loves her, but she just can't be around.
- Often, a mother who has endured the betrayal of many men in her life teaches her little daughter that men cannot be trusted, that they are all insidious, that is, sets her attitude towards a man as an enemy. This is completely wrong! A girl brought up in this way will grow up sandwiched, unable to trust a man, always expecting a trick from him and afraid to build a relationship. Girls who were raised in this way are often left alone, because they cannot figure out how to behave properly with men, or when all the girlfriends have already been married, and it’s high time they are ready to marry the first person they meet. Forget your grievances, because you understand that there are good and decent men, it is on them that daughters should pay attention. Tell her what a good man should be, how a girl should behave properly with boys, which boys should pay attention to, and which boys should beware of, etc.
- Of course, it is important to communicate girls with other men. They should treat her with tenderness, kindness and care. It could be her grandfather, uncle, your neighbor, or a family friend. In general, it is good if you are friends with a woman who has a full family.You can visit with your daughter, she will communicate with other children and with their father.
- You are a woman, besides, the closest person to your daughter. She will look like you, so give her the best example. Keep track of your appearance, be kind to others, develop, keep your house in order, etc. Teach this girl from an early age.
- Support your girl in everything - let him participate in different competitions, study something (mathematics is especially useful for girls), go to different circles. When it is necessary, be strict with it. Encourage the girl to have her female behavior, give her examples of successful women from the movies and books.
Typical mistakes of single mothers
And finally, we will look at the mistakes that single mothers often make in raising children,
- The desire to replace the child and the mother and father. You are a woman, and therefore for you the role of the mother is natural, and you should not try to portray yourself as a father, it will be false, therefore, it will not affect the child well. It is better to really seek the help of good men.
- Excessive love and complete indulgence in children's desires. Especially soft and sensitive mothers, feeling guilty for the fact that the family is incomplete, try to compensate for this with strong love and the performance of all the children's whims.This is bad, because the child begins to feel his power over the mother, becomes moody, weak and demanding, gets used to the fact that everything always happens the way he wants. Mother ceases to be his authority. You need to demonstrate your love for the child, but everything must be within reasonable limits. You need to educate an intelligent and strong person to prepare for the future independent life.
- The desire to protect the child from communication with his father and his new family. We have already discussed this - the child’s opinion about his father is very important for the child’s self-esteem, so if they have a good relationship, it’s not worth hindering because of their grievances.
- Some women, trying to show how much they love their boys and how important they are for them, begin to constantly consult with their sons and obey them. The boy helps his mother choose the outfit, the products in the store, comforts his mother, helps around the house. The boy has an early responsibility not peculiar to his age. He may have a wrong opinion about women, he will think that they are helpless and cannot do anything themselves, and this, in turn, will affect his unwillingness to marry.
We gave you some tips on how to raise a child alone.Of course, he will still be interested in why dad is not around. It is possible that the child will be offended by evil peers or will often be interested in him, where is his father. It is very important for you to explain and prove to your child that Katya or Sasha have a full family and that is good, but you are no worse. You also have a strong and friendly family, in which they love each other very much, it’s just less.
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